Crash Test Dummy

Bangkok’s the sort of place I could hang out for awhile.

Yeah, it’s got all the hassles of the big city - traffic, air pollution, lots of people everywhere, and it’s expensive (relatively).

But there’s so many amazingly interesting things to do and see in this massive crazy megapolis.

The National Museum

I rode over to the National Museum one day. It’s an incredible treasure-trove of Thai history and artistic wonder, holding the largest collection of Thai art and artefacts in the world.

There was a local community street market near Chinatown on the way.

I had these delicious rice flour patties stuffed with greens and spring onions, and other bits and pieces.

The amazing buildings at the Museum were built in the late 1800s, as residences and hangout zones for a number of princes.

Unfortunately this turtle got stuck

Incredible temple in the grounds, housing the precious Buddha image Phra Buddha Si Hing.

Rather elaborate toys for the royal kids

120 year old mango tree

Thailand has been heavily influenced by the culture and religions of Indianised kingdoms that ruled over part of its territory over many centuries.

The Dvaravati Kingdom (7th-11th centuries) was an Indianised Mon kingdom based in central Thailand, which also introduced Buddhism into the country.

The Srivijaya Kingdom (7th - 13th centuries) was a maritime power based in Sumatra, which ruled southern Thailand over part of this period.

The Khmer Kingdom (9th - 15th centuries), was another Hindu-Buddhist kingdom that ruled central, southern and eastern Thailand. They were the ones that built the incredible Angkor Wat in Cambodia. Well, their slaves did anyway.

2,000 year old vase

Four armed Vishnu

The head of a demon

Magnificent stone dharmachakra

King’s throne. Don’t ask me which Thai king used it.

Mask collection, which was used to perform the Ramakien, the Thai version of the famous Hindu epic, the Ramayana.

The elephant in the room

Surrounded by fans

Mother of pearl

Exquisite detail of a carved ivory howdah from the late 1800s. A howdah is basically an elaborate day bed for a king or queen.

Incredible Korean video and music installation.

This is the sandalwood coffin they used to transport the last king’s body through the boulevardes of Bangkok. Pretty amazing.

But when I die, please don’t do any of that.

Just put me in a cheap cardboard box and have a big party with lots of jamming.

The Grand Palace

Rattanakosin, the area designated as the new royal capital of Bangkok in the late 1700s, houses an incredible array of magnificent buildings, memorials, temples, gardens and parks, the most memorable of which are contained within the Grand Palace grounds.

The place is magnificent. Wherever we turned, we were stunned by the beauty and majesty of the architecture, artisanship, and extravagance.

Back outside, and the advertising’s just as bad in Thailand as anywhere else in the world. This is advertising heartburn medication. I didn’t realise you had a secret career Pete.

Never Again

Iain and I went out every night in Bangkok. There’s so many places to go.

When I first came here in the early 90s, Bang Lamphu had a bit of a pub scene at night, there were a couple of places with live music, and quite a lot of market stalls and places to eat (at tourist prices, even then). But basically it was pretty chilled.

On our last night in the city this time we decided to see what Khaosan Road is like now, in the party hours.

Off we went, on our bikes, a ride of only 5km.

There was lots of live music to choose from, most of it in Soi Rambuttri, a road that runs parallel to Khaosan, and also runs down past the wat in the direction of the river. Earlier in the night it was mainly Thai pop and soft rock, but we did find an ok band to watch for awhile.

Iain loosening up

The first band

Khaosan gimmicks. Even trying to charge for taking pics.

We had a few beers, then went to May Kaidee’s, a really well known vegan restaurant nearby, which serves the most amazing traditional northeastern Thai food. I’ve  been going there for years.

Kids work pretty young in Thailand. This little girl, outside May Kaidee’s, gave me a pretend tuk tuk ride. She was the best fun.

By this time Khaosan Road was really beginning to pump.

The main drag is really not my scene these days.

At night the whole place is full of clubs and pubs, jammed in right next to each other, and on both sides of the street, each of them pumping out super loud pretty uninteresting dance music, and each trying to outblast the clubs around them.

Walking through at that time of night is def running the gauntlet.

Each club has a bunch of young spruikers out the front in a line, sticking menus and blackboards and signs in your face, saying things like “LAUGHING GAS” or “CHEAP COCKTAIL BUCKETS,” with the spruikers being all friendly and trying to get you in to their place.

Most of the punters are in their twenties or younger, and, as you can imagine, the place gets pretty trashy as the night gets on.

We found an amazing band playing Jimi Hendrix and other really good covers, the guitarist was so good, we stayed for awhile.

On another run through the gauntlet we somehow decided to have a joint (we def didn’t need one), which we bought from one of the many cannabis stalls lining the street.

Pole pot

Of course, the joint was way too strong, and after having it, the whole world looked a bit like this:

Especially for Iain that is, who drinks beer more quickly than me (like pretty much everyone), and who insisted on continuing to smoke the joint right to the bitter end, despite the fact that the roachie had clearly already long disappeared between his burnt fingers.

Bloody Pom.

After that, we decided to slowly make our way back home, and wisely realised that we were in no state to safely ride our bikes.

So off we went, pushing our bikes through the wild late night streets.

Fear and Loathing in Bangkok.

We got lost many times.

Iain found it difficult to sit and rest, as the ground refused to stop moving.

On some long roads the pavements were full of homeless people, families, individuals, all sleeping on the concrete, on cardboard or plastic sheets.

At one stage a bunch of traffic policemen chatted with us, they were really friendly and enthusiastic, and they even wanted to take a few pics of us with them, it was pretty funny and psychedelically bizarre, in the state we were in.

After quite awhile I felt much more lucid, and decided to ride on the footpath, as it was still ages to get home.

That was my really dumb move.

We were riding along, me in front, on a wide open stretch of footpath, which was running alongside a long unbroken wall that carried on into the distance. Because the wall was unbroken, I assumed the footpath would be too, as there were no laneways or driveways leading into it, and so I wasn’t really paying attention, just riding along looking at whatever.

Suddenly the footpath disappeared off a high curb and I careered right off it, way down onto a driveway below.

Then, before I had any time to steady myself or slow down, (particularly given my impaired reactions), the high curb suddenly reappeared in front of me.

Fuck!

My front wheel slammed into it, and I slammed into the concrete.

Face first.

Bam!!!

I basically broke my fall with the left side of my face, and my left shoulder. Luckily we were wise enough to be wearing helmets.

At least that.

It all happened so quickly.

I was sprawled on the ground before you could say, “what a stupid wanker.”

It was really horrible.

I’m still recovering from my injuries, especially with back and shoulder pain from the high impact blow and the twisting.

Iain was great, he really helped me, eventually we had no real option but to carry on walking, pushing our bikes, me all cut up and looking like I’d been attacked by an angry bear. We eventually made it home around 5am.

Before the swelling and bruising, and still under the affluence of incohol, and the rest.

Iain did the tea tree oil thing on my wounds, and then we crashed. I hardly slept, I was in pain and in shock.

The next day was really tough.

I asked Iain’s advice as to whether I should post a pic of me the next day, all swollen and horrible. He took one look at the photo and said, “Fuck, it's Frankenstein.” (Or words to that effect). I took that as a no.

We needed to get up and check out, get back to Bang Lamphu, store my bike and some luggage, return Iain’s hired bike, and get out to the train station to catch a sleeper train north.

Iain ran off early and got some Panadol and antiseptic cream for me, and helped patch up my face and shoulder. We packed and left on the bikes, Iain kindly taking my 2 large panniers on his bike, and me taking the rest of my gear.

I felt like death.

A particularly painful death.

I can’t really say where it hurt, it’s more accurate to say where it didn’t hurt.

But anyway we did it all, and got on the train.

When I told Lali all about what had happened, she said, “dad, didn’t you remember?“

“Beer before bong, you’re in the wrong.

Bong before beer, you’re in the clear.”

If only I'd known.

Chiang Mai

So, to the beautiful north we went, without bikes.

Iain and I took a bus, a train and another train out to Don Mueang station, to grab an overnight sleeper train to Chiang Mai.

It’s the most comfy ride ever.

Rickety old wooden-floored local bus

Masked up because 1. Everyone else was 2. It hid my war wounds

Iain’s king sized bed (relative to his body)

This guy was asleep up there

Morning glory

So, at quite a reasonable hour, we arrived at Chiang Mai station, a historic old building

Then we strolled through the hot streets of the historic city, on our way to our cute little hotel.

Chiang Mai is the capital of northern Thailand, and is the country’s third largest city, after Bangkok and Nakhon Ratchasima (a city in the northeast).

It’s situated on the Ping River, which, surprisingly, is a major tributary to the Chao Phraya River, the one that runs through Bangkok, over 700km away.

Chiangmai served as the capital of the Lanna Kingdom, a major independent kingdom, from the late 1200s till the mid 1500s, when it was invaded and ruled by those bloody Burmese.

In 1774 the Siamese King Taksin (the really Great) ejected the Burmese, but the Lanna Kingdom reestablished itself as a semi-independent kingdom, until the late 1800s, when it began to be fully ruled by Bangkok.

Many locals don’t really regard themselves as Thai first, but as Lanna. They have their own language (called Lanna, or Kham Mueang, or just simply Northern Thai), and they have their own cultural practices.

The Old City of Chiang Mai is walled, and surrounded by wide moats, and within these 18th century city walls are many beautiful wats and ruins dating from way back in the 13th and 14th centuries.

Back in the day, Tha Pae gate

The same spot, a few hundred years later

Our cute guest house

As we checked in we met Phil, an Aussie guy who lived for many years in the hills around Nimbin, of all places.

It’s a small world. (But I wouldn’t want to paint it).

Phil’s a lovely guy, and we met him while he was in the throes of trying to work out what to do to get cash, as a local bank ATM had swallowed his partner’s ATM card, he wasn’t sure of the PIN on his own, and he had little cash backup.

We learnt over time that Phil was an artistic genius, designing the lights for many international art events - he’d just finished at the Singapore Opera. The lights were amazing, we saw the pics.

We also learnt that while Phil’s art is completely other-worldly, the actual world he lives in can be rather confusing and often a complete muddle.

For example, that same afternoon he lost his glasses, his phone ran out of charge, and he consequently got lost in the alleyways and laneways of Chiangmai for hours in the roaring heat, to emerge back at the hotel very hot and very bothered, late in the day.

Trying to get into the wrong room in the hotel, no less.

He’s sorta like Frankie, but with an Aussie accent. Friendly, lovable, and rather forgetful.

Anyway, we sorted him out for money, his partner credited my bank account.

Another day, on our way to the bus station in a shared cab, leaving Chiang Mai, I got a call from the guesthouse, to tell me that Phil had left some things in his bathroom. We had to turn around and go all the way back.

Lucky that Phil has a PA, that’s all I can say (his partner). He probably wouldn’t make it back to Oz at all.

No offence Phil, it was all pretty funny.

Iain and I went strolling, on the lookout for a good solid local vegan eating house, one of the jai places. We eventually found it, it was superb, and became our food mainstay.

Mural of a Karen woman. The Karen are a hill tribe group from Myanmar, many of whom have escaped to Thailand due to decades of repression by the Burmese military.

Their claim to fame is the use of golden rings around their necks, forearms and shins. Over time the necks become elongated, many having at least 25 rings around them.

Tour companies offer tours to visit the groups, I have ethical issues with the whole thing, not wanting to visit a human zoo, and all that. Although I do know that the sale of their handicrafts is beneficial to them financially.

More Chiangmai murals

Gene Simmons!! Lead singer of the band Kiss. You know that he’s insured his tongue for $1m. That’s actually true.

Abstract fish art

This is one of the most delicious desserts of all time, especially when the temperature’s over 40 degrees (feels like). Shaved coconut icecream with mango, and some sort of panna cotta milky custard. Unbelievably good.

City wall and moat

Whilst Iain and I are scarily alike in many ways, we also have some stark differences.

His room

My room

Nah, only joking. It’s the other way round, of course. Note the broken arm on my glasses on the counter, from the accident. Amazing they didn’t smash.

Another full moon. Another month (or so) has passed. Wow.

What?! It wasn’t me!

Glorious local flowers. Chiangmai has an annual flower festival in February. I was here for it once, it has the most beautiful parade of flower floats, all the parks and public spaces are stunningly decorated with flowers, and they even light them up at night. It’s amazing.

I do have pics like this somewhere, but this is from me surfing.

Muay Thai gym

Wannanicecream?

We three kings of Orient are.

Amazing wat

Elaborate silverwork is a feature of northern Thailand. Some wats feature silver rather than gold, which is the norm for other parts of Thailand.

The north is also famed for its silver jewellery.

Bordello?

The beautiful Wat Dok Eung

Red rice is common in northern Thailand. It’s delicious, and isn’t exported much outside the region, so there’s enough for locals. Love the teddy bear presentation.

Pai

Iain and I decided to visit this town a few hours northwest of Chiang Mai. Both of us had met people recently who suggested we go there.

I first went to Pai over 30 years ago, and it was just a tiny village on a beautiful river. We stayed in a homestay in the jungle for awhile, we hiked to hill tribe villages, and spent a lot of time in bamboo huts playing music and partaking in various ceremonies involving local ‘erbs.

These days the town still has an amazingly chilled vibe, given the number of young travellers that hang out there.

There’s not even a local bus to Pai these days. Everyone hops in the minivan.

Local raw spices at a stop on the way.

Downtown, walking street, quiet time

The beautiful silver decorations of Wat Pa Kham, which we walked past every day to get to town.

The Jazz House, where there’s lots of live music. Jonathon, a Swedish guy I jammed with, said he’d been in Pai for over a month and has never heard even a single bar of jazz music there.

Our beautiful guesthouse

Iain’s ritzy spot.

The view from there, across the river

Getting hotter

The first afternoon we hired mountain bikes, and rode way up to the top of a hill, to a lookout, Yun Lai.

We passed through a Chinese village

It was super steep at the end

So, less than 48 hours since my bike accident, and in pain, and here I am hooning around on a mountain bike. Smart.

I couldn’t resist, it felt so good to be riding out there on the small village roads.

I regretted it the next day though, my shoulder and back were even worse.

Magnificent views at the top

That night we discovered Reggae Pai, a really cool bar run by Fang, a Thai reincarnation of Bob Marley. The band was amazing, Fang and Nong were great on guitar/vocals and drums, but the English bass player didn’t know what the hell he was doing unfortunately, being new to bass. The band’s regular bass player, Ujen, wasn’t around.

Nong was an amazing drummer, but initially he was way too cool for school, completely ignoring my smiles, and treating me like a persona Nong grata.

But as soon as he found out I could play guitar he was suddenly my best friend.

Anyway I couldn’t bear listening to the bass, and politely took over.

Sorry to be so mean, the bass player was a really nice English guy, but Iain and I both agreed that silence would’ve been way better than that.

We ended up rocking out for ages.

Israeli musos Itai and Nimrod jammed lots over the next few days. They’re in a band back home in Jerusalem.

Later Kayla from Maryland got up and sang. She had all the moves. And Swedish Jonathon played melodica.

Kayla and I jammed during the next few days as well, and got to know each other. She’s a cool hippy from the US east coast who’s lived in her van for the past 5 years, mainly in California. She’s a music fiend, and a language fiend, she’s off to continue her language degree in Grenada soon. Her song repertoire is pretty impressive, she even knows loads of Brazilian songs in Portuguese, which I love.

Another night Kayla and I did a more chilled set, and she really killed it.

Iain highly stressed

The receptionist’s son, with the smallest legal fish catch in history.

The next day we rode on our mountain bikes to Pai Canyon. It was crazy hot and dry, and there was little shade up there, until we got into the regenerating teak forest. The canyon is basically an eroded valley.

You’re never far from kitsch in Asia

I love this statue, for some reason.

There’s a cute little market back in Pai. It was our fruit supply place and occasional lunch or cha yen hangout zone.

The bridge from our guest house to town. It washes away every rainy season.

One morning Iain walked up to the white Buddha up the hill, to get enlightened. I helped him by letting him do it on his own.

It had nothing to do with the fact that I was fast asleep at the time.

The vehicle access road to our guest house, Canary. The road did actually have quite a few corves in it, and sometimes we had to sworve to miss loose grovel and dorgs.

Looks like the back o’ Mullum

We saw this sign on the first day we arrived. Def an accident waiting to happen.

A couple of days later, whilst lazing around at the guest house, we heard them coming from a distance. It sounded like a pub in Newtown late on a Saturday night after the band’s finished playing, but people are so drunk that they don’t realise they don’t have to scream to be heard anymore.

Even the locals come out to watch.

There were some pretty messy people around town that night. One young guy was trying to ride his motorbike, and would go super fast, then skid to a complete halt, and then rest his head on his handlebars, before screeching off again. Really drunk.

Iain and I were sitting at an eating place on the side of the road right next to him. I called out and told the guy he should get off his bike. He said to me, (butter wouldn’t melt in his mouth), “but I’m completely sober,” before resting his head on his handlebars again. Wanker. His 2 mates, who were walking behind him, did nothing to stop him riding. What are those guys thinking?

It sorta reminded me of me, when I was his age, and drunk.

The locals must hate that sort of shit, especially when their kids get run over.

Eventually we got tired of climbing hills with our mountain bikes, so we hired motorbikes, like everyone else.

One day we rode out to Mo Pang waterfall. It was a nice ride, the falls were refreshing, but the place itself was a little underwhelming.

Probs because we’re spoilt north coasters.

I love the bamboo walkways in these parts

The pools were great to swim in though, it was really hot again

Yeah, all controversy should be banned.

We found a gorgeous spot for brunch

And could learn the Thai alphabet as we ate.

This cha yen is actually alive.

This was our fave. All vegan. The green curry was magnificent, prompting Iain to announce that it’s the “best green curry I’ve ever had in Thailand.”

Well said, because it then excludes his own green curry creation, which is next level. I’ve had a bunch of them at his place, and I agree.

After all that activity, including hours and hours of guitar playing, my back, and particularly my left shoulder, were shot. Really painful.

I’ve done some damage in there and need time to recover.

So finally I listened to my body, and spent a day virtually doing nothing, it sorta helped, but not a lot.

Iain went out exploring again on his motorbike, to a beautiful bamboo walkway out in the rice paddies, a few kms from town.

The reason Iain was spending time in Thailand with me was because he had a stopover on his way to the UK to see his mum, whose health had deteriorated markedly over quite a long period.

She had actually been more stable and appeared better in the past little while.

So it was really devastating when Iain got the news from his sister that his mum had suddenly gone downhill quite quickly again, and then passed away.

He didn’t get the chance to see her again before she died.

It’s been really sad.

But he did see her when she was still quite lucid, and he’s been celebrating her life, and all the amazing things she did for many people, especially for him and his eight siblings.

Lots of beautiful memories of special times.

He left this bodhi leaf blessing for her:

Mum. Rest In Peace. May your spirit fly free

Life is fickle, one moment it’s here, the next it’s gone.

So we'd better get cracking.

It’s times like these that help us appreciate what we have, and the people we love.

Blessings and deep love to you Iain, you’re in all of our hearts.

❤️❤️❤️

One night Iain and I found a rickety old locals night market, cobbled together with bamboo, tarps, and rope.

We saw a lot of shots, but not one direct hit. I reckon the stuffed toys are superglued down.

The Budtender

I vomited when I saw this. Backpackers up on the tables, dancing wildly to Abba’s “Dancing Queen.”

Ah well, I can’t talk. I admit I used to sing and do all the Abba moves with my sister Mish when I was really young, and was in love with the blonde woman, Agnetha.

I think Mish actually stole her hairstyle from Agnetha.

But I’m happy to say I’ve been off cheese for quite awhile now.

The funeral procession of a young woman. The parade was headed by a band playing a local tune on trumpets, saxes and flutes, followed by some monks pulling white ropes, and then the mourners, all wearing black, and printed straw hats, also pulling the white ropes, which actually were attached to the tall coffin float behind them.

Two guys were at the back with long bamboo poles, frantically trying to lift electricity wires out of the way of the top of the float as it passed by. It looked stressful.

So finally it was time to leave Pai.

The climate had changed while we were there. The stinking hot dry weather had been replaced by the rainy season, thunderstorms and heavy rain happening for part of every day and evening. It was cooler.

We had a rainy wet return in the minivan to Chiangmai, and went out for lunch.

Tempeh! Haven’t had it for ages.

Chiang Mai back in the day. Don’t ask me which particular day.

If you buy a big bag of Hercules dog food you can win a return trip for 2 to Australia, of all places.

We found a great market, full of rather elaborate sweets. We ate all sorts there, from cream eclairs to pastéis de nata (Portuguese egg custard tarts) to deep fried bananas. Yum.

We also splurged on snacks for the overnight train.

Then it was a sleeper back to Bangkok for one last hurrah, before Iain flew out.

The country’s greening up again

Back to the Scene of the Crime

We made it back to Bangers, after another sleeper night. They’re actually pretty comfy, and because there’s only 2 sleepers per section (one upper and one lower), once the beds are packed away there’s heaps of spare seats, so you can stretch out.

Iain and I stored our luggage, and then took a ferry downstream and strolled around in the heat for awhile, just because Iain loves getting hot and sweaty as much as possible, so he can then go back to his guesthouse and shower a few times and wash his clothes again.

I wanted to order a shiny jacket like this for my bike ride, but we didn’t have time, and anyway jacquard is a bit heavy for me in this heat.

Kevin Rudd’s moved to the Imperial Court

Soi Rambuttri art

Errr, except when they're not??

Iain, in his infinite kindness, offered to take me out for dinner, to a place I’d normally not go, as an early birthday gift. I chose a place right on the river, it was amazing. We had pizza and a whole dead fish.

Yeah I know. I really felt like I needed protein, plus I wanted to feel like a normal Thai person for awhile, instead of having to fuss about with a special weird vegetarian order.

As for Iain, you’ll never believe what happened.

The day before he was due to fly to the UK for his mum’s funeral, his partner Kylie had a hiking accident at Springbrook, smashed up her knee, and was helicoptered to hospital in Brissy.

She’s gonna be incapacitated for ages, needs to have reconstruction surgery, and basically can’t do anything much herself. Ouch. Poor thing.

So at the very last minute, Iain decided to completely cancel his UK trip so he could support Kylie instead, because, in his words, “it’s better to help the living than the dead.”

What a guy.

So instead of flying northwest, he hopped on a plane southeast, back to Oz.

We said our sad goodbyes, and he headed to the airport.

I’ve realised that Iain is not actually 10,000 men packed up into the strong stocky body of just one man, who sweats a lot, hates the humidity, and talks about the weather all the bloody time. Bless his freshly washed little cotton socks.

No, Iain's way more than that.

He’s actually more like 10,000 saints.

I mean good saints btw, not the nasty ones who start wars and crusades and kill and torture people.

I’m gonna miss him.

After he left I loaded up my bike for the first time in a couple of weeks, and switched hotels, so I could be close to Hua Lamphong railway station for an early train the next morning.

Awww, thanks. That’s so noe of you.

Of course I went to Chinatown in the eve. It’s amazing, I love it.

It was also pissing down with rain for awhile, and somehow it all still works, with rickety old tarps and power boards and cables everywhere, but no one dying of electrocution.

At least not that I saw.

The outside of Hua Lamphong station, my last post.

Back to My World

I’m so excited!

And, if I’m being totally honest, I’m also a little apprehensive.

I’m so happy to be getting back on my bike, and to be heading southeast. I’m gonna ride through Cambodia next, through parts of that country I’ve never visited.

In fact, I’ve hardly been anywhere in Cambodia, only having visited Siem Reap and Angkor Wat once, some years ago.

Yeah, I know Cambodia’s not exactly on the way to Europe.

But I really wanna go there, I'll swing back around eventually.

I’ve only got a few days left on my Thai visa now, and then I have to get out of this amazing country.

I feel a little apprehensive because my body’s not right yet, my shoulder’s pretty painful a lot of the time, and my back’s also sore.

And I don’t have a lot of options right now.

There’s no train to the southeastern border, and I don’t have long to get out of Thailand. I’m just gonna have to be a hero and ride all the way to the border from the end of the train line near Pattaya.

I’m sure it’ll work out fine.

It always does.

Doesn’t it?❤️