Whisk(y)ed Away

Parts 1 to 4

I can't believe how happy I feel! I've got a brand new 60 day Chinese visa in my hot big hands, with an entry date validity of 3 months. It's so great!

I'm actually relieved, in a way. Other travellers have received random knockbacks when they've applied for the visa, with no explanation given. I've travelled to China a few times, and to Tibet, and so things that potentially arise from those previous trips can sometimes be problematic.

Or it could just be something else random or weird in your passport. Like an entry stamp from Turkey, for example. You never know. Especially these days, as political security in China has tightened significantly.

So that's that. The deed is done! I've now pretty much done everything I needed to do in Hanoi, and can head back into the beautiful countryside.

I could easily stay here for ages longer though, there's so much to do and see here. And eat! It's pretty pricey though, compared to other places in the country. No surprises there, for a capital city.

Roaming

I did a bit of searching to find a good person to service my bike. The larger cycle shops, the ones with all the foreign bikes and expensive parts that expats and wealthier Viets use, tried to slug me an arm and a leg to service my bike. It almost seemed like they couldn't be bothered doing it, as they get enough people willing to throw cash at them that they don't really need my business anyway.

So eventually I found a guy in a backstreet, in a more regular suburb. But the way I found him was so bloody weirdly random.

I saw a sign in Vietnamese for bike repairs, so went down a laneway to find it, but couldn't. So I walked into a tiny hair salon and asked the hairdresser guy if he knew where it was.

The young-ish guy stumbled over to me, and immediately I smelt his strong rice whisky breath. He was absolutely shitface plastered tanked legless. The next thing I know, he starts attempting to speak to me in broken German! Yep. German.

It was just so ridiculous, as we ended up having a conversation in broken German, about all sorts of things. Well, I conversed, and he slurred and dribbled and tried to converse. As it turns out, he'd spent 5 years living and working in Frankfurt, but that was a few years back, and he'd hardly spoken any German since.

In the end he showed me to the bike shop, and then stumbled back to his salon, giggling like a baby.

The bike mechanic in the bike shop was the best guy ever, an old guy with experience, who took real pride in his work, and did the perfect job. At about a third of the price of the regular large bike shops. He was so lovely, friendly and nice, and beamed from ear to ear when I told him how happy I was with his work. What a guy.

Bewdy' s a new woman, I mean, bike.

Of course, checking out all these places means I get to ride around and discover different districts in Hanoi.

There's so many lakes around, and the lakeside districts tend to be rather well-heeled.

I rode past the mausoleum of Ho Chi Minh, where you can shuffle past his embalmed body and pay your respects, even though it's free.

I've done that before, and, given the long queues, decided to let him rest in peace this time.

A museum dedicated to Uncle Ho's life and work.

The aptly named One Pillar Pagoda.

There were some gorgeous gardens around there

Beautifully mosaicked fountain

Large new developments are popping up in some districts, but not at the scale of some other Asian cities.

Great spot to hang for lunch. The people were so friendly, the bánh mì delicious. I've noticed that the people in these little backstreet places tend to bend over backwards for you, they're not so used to seeing someone like me stopping at their hole-in-the-wall, and just keep doing nice things to make me feel comfortable. So sweet.

Gold ornaments are fashionable in homes here.

Cute restaurant

My bike was ready to be collected right on time for peak hour. Perfect.

If you're ever feeling bored, just jump on a push bike and attempt to ride through peak-hour traffic in Hanoi. It's a sure-fire way of instantly getting you peaked.

It's a complete thrill to be in amongst it, negotiating your way through the chaos, making quick decisions on the fly, just missing this and just avoiding that, by a greying whisker.

I've had a small number of scares here on the bike, but relatively few I guess, considering how much I've been on the road here. I've seen a number of motorbikes go over, but no major accidents. Not here anyway.

In fact my dodgiest moment in Hanoi was when I was walking on a busy narrow roadway (no pavement), and a car came past too close and nudged me with the edge of its bonnet, and, at the same time, actually ran over the outside edge of my shoe. That's not a lie. I was so close to being injured, I can't imagine toes or feet doing that well when they're steamrollered by a car.

But millimetres matter with someone this skinny, and I survived.

Back laneways in some random burb. I love 'em.

Balusters ready for bannisters

Furniture Making Street

My typical late brekky, from the sweet ladies next door. I went there every day.

Waiting for a Size 44 from another stall..

It really was time.

The biggest size they had. A bit of a squeeze, but ok.

And, fast forward a couple of days, this what my newbies looked like after my very first day's ride back in the countryside. Sad but true.

My girls would've loved this sticker shop once upon a life

Watching the world from a café balcony

There's so many bakeries here, with so many delicious things inside them. A few of them aren't quite as good as others, truth be told.

Looked way better than they tasted, disappointingly.

But I've gotta say, most of the pastries and cakes I've tried have been absolutely superb. Especially the Danish-style pastries and anything with custard. I'm loving it, while I can.

Thang Long

One day I explored the Thang Long citadel, which is where the new Viet capital was established in the 11th Century, after being moved from another part of Hanoi.

Throughout millennia of its history, Vietnam has had to deal with much larger and more powerful neighbours.

The huge kingdom of China occupied the country for 1000 years, from as way back as the 2nd Century BCE.

Over the centuries the Vietnamese have repelled many invaders, including the Champas, the Khmers and the Mongols. And then the French came. Eventually the Froggies were defeated, and then the Americans suffered the same fate, and then, as late as 1979, the Chinese again invaded Vietnam from the north, and were repelled by the battle-hardened Vietnamese army within a matter of weeks.

They were forced to retreat, with, I imagine, their dragon tails firmly between their legs.

Many Viets don't speak very highly of Chinese people, I might add, or of China itself.

But that's no surprise really. Close neighbours, particularly those with a huge power imbalance, often have the deepest rivalry of all.

I mean look at how much Kiwis love Aussies.

Flag tower

Huge parade grounds

Just like in Beijing, the imperial citadel included a forbidden city, the central fortified part, where the royal family hung out and did their thing.

The South Gate entrance.

They allowed me into the Forbidden City, which was a surprise to me as I thought it was forbidden. I felt so naughty.

The ancient citadel was also the seat of government and the command centre for the Vietnamese military during the American War, and had seriously fortified bunker action going on.

Rather thick outer walls

Vietnamese army drive-by on the occasion of their victory over the French

Armed forces sporting competition. This is the Best Superman event.

Interesting marching style, designed to bolster the stomach muscles of the comrades marching alongside you.

Uncle Ho being all warm and fuzzy

Historic flag raising ceremony after the French were forced to leave. Shame the ride-on was broken down that day. Always bloody happens when you really need it.

Paintings of a traditional Vietnamese water puppet performance. There's a water puppet theatre by Hoan Kiem lake, but I didn't see a performance this time, as I'd seen it before.

The art form involves puppeteers manipulating their beautiful puppets on top of a pond, acting out ancient tales. The beautiful art style was developed in the 11th Century in villages in the Red River Delta, which regularly flooded.

The performances are super interesting, including the traditional music, which is performed live, to accompany the puppet action.

Here's some web pics

There's a bunch of museums within the citadel complex. They abound in amazing and historic art, and old pics.

Hanoi, looking east from here in 1873.

Imperial visit in 1918

The King, Kai Dinh, with a handful of mandarins

Hanoi in the late 1910s

The long road to the deep underbelly, the bunker system

Safe room

Another Russian-made air filtration system

Where the war cabinet bunkered down during bombing attacks

Patriotic starfish

Portable missile control centre

The two main generals, as happy as Lá Rí, after they finally kicked out the Yanks.

Great vintage car for the Generals

Long Biên and the French Quarter

All through the American War, a very symbolically and strategically significant target for US bomber crews was the Long Biên bridge, which connects east and west Hanoi.

The metal bridge was designed by Gustavo Eiffel (yep, the tower guy), and was built during the turn of the millennium before last. Yeah, the 1900 one.

Despite it being bombed, the industrious Viets always managed to repair it and get it up and running again swiftly. Somehow it became a symbol of Vietnamese resistance during the War.

I didn't take this pic

Bewdy watching the road at the entrance to the bridge, hoping another bicycle will notice her

What's more interesting is that on the nearby huge dyke wall that keeps floodwaters out of Hanoi, artists have created the largest mosaic mural in the whole wide world. That must be true because apparently it's in the Guinness Book of Records. It's over 4kms long, and is still growing.

Pedestrian overpass. Way more tacky than the Bangkok versions

A selection of parts of the mural

Delicious freshly cooked pastry, in fact it was so fresh and so hot that when I bit into it steam shot out and burnt my face.

I skimmed down to the French Quarter, a well heeled leafy area of wide boulevardes, beautiful colonial buildings, gardens, fountains and statues. Most of the foreign embassies are located here.

If it weren't for the cyclos (cycle rickshaws) it honestly could be Paris. Except maybe it's too clean here. Everyone wandering around was dressed to the nines in expensive designer clothes, which I really didn't understand because it was already way past nine.

Ritzy café.

Looked to me like they were trying to make a good impressionist.

Missing you Lalik.

The beautiful Hanoi Opera House. I skipped on the performance.

On my last night in Hanoi I met J, a San Franciscan who'd seen my bike parked up somewhere and left a note on it saying he'd like to meet up. I messaged him and we coffeed together, it turns out he did a cycle trip through Finland a couple of years ago, and was very keen to interview me for a podcast that he wants to do on people he meets whilst travelling.

He also wanted to record me spouting off some of my life philosophies, as he's also a music producer, and sometimes samples words into his music. He also asked for any music recordings of mine that I'd be happy for him to sample into his new tracks.

I of course reminded him that due to my exceptional fame levels my minimum royalties would be at least a mill. He asked me if I was talking Viet currency and I said of course I was.

J's such a lovely guy, in his late 20s, and super cool and interesting. I hope we can meet up again, somewhere along the cosmic path.

Hoa Sơn

It was drizzly and muddy as I left Hanoi.

Last bánh mì in the city. Sob.

Getting out of a big chaotic city, particularly on a day like that, was grimy, tricky, and at times a bit stressful.

When your bike's all loaded up you just don't have the speed, the swerve options or the narrow streamlines to be able to zip around like you can on an empty bike.

But across the city I went, and then headed north across the mighty Red River again, to eventually hit the countryside.

Cemetery on the outskirts. They need to pack 'em in around here.

Very competitive card game

Bánh mì wrapped in someone's multi choice exam

Ain't just coffee mate. It's coffee and green tea too. Noticed the condensed milk at the bottom of the coffee? Bet you're jealous.

Gorgeous temple in a tiny town

Brand new apartments for Hanoi commuters, 50 or 60 clicks from the city.

I found a little guest house, went to find food, and got swamped by the locals.

First it was the kid tribe.

Then their parents, and then the grandparents got involved. Once everyone got the hang of the audio function of Google Translate, it was on for young and old.

First one of the young mums cooked me this, despite me saying I don't eat meat.

Then Được rode me over to his pad and we all sat up drinking this delicious rice whisky, eating sunflower seeds and huge rice crackers, and, of course, drinking green tea.

Next up was dinner number 2, in which dead pig was the main feature. When I asked Được about it, his translated response was ...

Besides the pig, there were tableloads of local greens, eggs (quail, duck and chicken), and, of course, rice.

We finished late, and they all invited me for breakfast, which they said would be at 6am. Urrrrrghhhh! What?!!??

Of course I had to show, and the feature dish at that unBuddhly hour was, wait for it, dog soup. Yep, no kidding. And that was, of course, preceded by the rice whisky, which, I admit, I've never ever had the pleasure to drink at 6am in the morning.

Of course I've definitely had rice whisky at 6am in the very very late end of the night. On too many occasions.

When I asked Được about the contents of the dog soup, he explained that the dog was a stray, and then said ....

The dog meat wasn't too bad this time actually, given that it's dog, and given that dog flesh is not particularly vegetarian in nature.

I've actually tried dog soup once before, and it wasn't good.

In fact it wasn't just dog soup, it was actually a dogbroth hotpot, with all the other food getting chucked in there to cook, as we sat around on the floor. They had everything you could imagine to cook in there, in a rustic, village kinda way - loads of greens and local veggies, eggs of all description, flat rice noodles (phở), mushrooms and, of course, various parts of animal that were a little difficult for me to identify.

It was a bit tricky because everyone kept flopping things in my little bowl for me to try, and watched with bated dogbreath as I did so.

But it was a really beautiful experience to be there, and so interesting to hang out with these men and women, farmers, ex-army officers, stallholders, workers. Life is so incredibly different for them, but, as usual, we all have so much in common.

Their hospitality and generosity was boundless, as it always is. I had a necklace to give the grandmother, I always like to keep a small collection of gifts for such special moments. She absolutely loved it, and I can imagine her remembering this day for a long time, as I will, in a hazy, rice-whisky kinda way.

To Tuyển Quặng

And so, after visiting the place with all the kids again, as I'd promised I would the night before, and where I washed down my whisky with very strong coffee, I finally wobbled my way out of town, and continued to head northish.

Village backroad

Whilst yesterday's ride had been relatively flat, today I was in the hills before you could say "Holy mother of Buddha, am I really doing this again?"

Of course, despite the climbs, or rather, because of them, the scenery was superb.

Mulberry syrup dessert. I tried it, it tastes like it's been fermented, not my fave.

Bamboo smoking pipes and crap snacks

Super delicious bananas. All for 15,000 Dong, about 90c.

I stayed close to the market in this quite large town, Tuyển Quặng. Well, large in a provincial kinda way. Nothing too flash around, but super interesting.

Another rice feast. I asked for tofu, they brought me three whole rows of it, with about eight large pieces in each. Like, 24 big pieces of tofu. Am I that skinny?

Viet Quặng

I've noticed that when I have a big night on the alcohol I'm generally fine the next day, but it's the day after when I really feel crap.

The day after was today.

I woke feeling pretty dodgy, with a runny nose and a scratchy throat.

I found some brekky at the markets, right next door to my hotel. It was sort of a sticky-ish variety of rice topped with an omelette and dried onions. Served with pickled local crunchy raw veggies. Pretty delicious actually.

The markets were pumping with fruit.

The sea creature tanks were pumping with air, keeping the death row critters alive. These are coastal rock oysters.

These are some sort of slug. Bet they'd slide easily down the throat, not unlike the large chunks of jelly they put in the bubble tea around here.

There's oranges and huge mandarins everywhere right now. What a gift.

Nước dừa, coconut water

Gift horses. I didn't look in their mouths. They're actually burnt, as an offering for the dead, and to provide good luck for pilgrimage journeys, especially during Tết, the Vietnamese new year.

In the growing hills

Locals skilfully ride their motorbikes along the most precarious paths ever, often carrying the most ridiculously large things

If yer gonna build, you need quarries

These are actually a small variety of apple. I didn't know what they were, and asked the girl at the stall if I could try one. To my huge surprise they were crunchy and sweet, sorta like a nashi.

One big seed

I bought a million of them

Handmade plywood. Large tree branches are rolled over special saws to produce very thin rectangular pieces, which are then dried in the sun. The trick is to stop them from curling, so they're kept in racks and stacks, and always moved around by the women so they dry properly.

The sheets are then used as building panels, or veneers.

The road eventually followed the beautiful Lo River, for ages

Destination province

Such a huge Christian temple for such a relatively undeveloped area

After 90 long kilometres and a climb of nearly 800m I was done for the day, and rolled in to this hotel.

Balcony views of the town of Viet Quặng.

Oddest toilet placement in Oval Office history

I was dirty after such a long ride, so, as usual I showered, and wandered.

The markets were super interesting. The orange things are ripe gac fruit, apparently a sort of quite bland-ish fruit that's never really eaten on its own, but added to other fruits and flavourings. I didn't buy one, they were way too big.

As fresh as ya get. From cage to killing to commerce.

More rice varieties than you could poke a chopstick at

I asked for more chilli, this measly amount didn't even touch the sides. That was a joke. The chilli here is deadly.

Almost There

So tomorrow, insha'allah, I'll arrive in Ha Giang, my next glorious destination, around 60 kms away. Pretty much every traveller I've met who's been up there and explored the countryside around has said it's been the highlight of their whole trip.

That's what pulled me in.

It's an area of spectacular scenery, colourful hill tribes, and deadly steep roads.

I can't wait to get up there, but I'm also gonna listen to my body. If I can't shake this bug off straight away then I'll rest as soon as I get to Ha Giang tomorrow, until it's well and truly gone.

My temple's been super active for weeks now, it may be time to fully pay my respects.

In lying pose❤️

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