The Laodown

Ouch.

My smile hurts.

And I’ve got sore wavers.

My celeb status has gone gangbusters in this country.

From pretty much the first moment I crossed the border into Laos, the screams from my kid fans became louder and unrelenting.

As I approached villages on my bike, kids at my end of the village would start frantically jumping up and down and laughing and waving and calling out “sabai dee!!” or “hello!!” or “bye bye” or “thank you!” constantly, and that would then alert the kids (and the adults) in the adjoining houses that something was going on, and as soon as they saw me in the distance they’d start doing the same.

You know, it’s like when one dog starts barking at you at one end of the street, and before you know it there’s a whole pack of them snapping at your heels.

It’s so funny, and so beautiful somehow.

These are really poor tribal villages. The kids don’t have phones. No one actually seems to have much at all. The houses are timber, the villages have no schools or medical clinics or shops or basically any services. There’s just a few muddy dirt roads, stock animals wandering around, some crops, and, of course, their amazing communities and culture.

Crazy bastards coming past like me are an absolute rarity, so as soon as I appear, the party starts. They call out from miles away, from where I can hardly even see them (which I guess realistically is maybe not that amazing, given how crap my vision is these days).

But it’s so sweet to come across people who are not only genuinely excited by the sight of someone like me, but are also completely uninhibited in expressing the pure joy of it.

It’s infectious.

I didn’t photograph many people as I came past, it just didn’t feel right most of the time, it can sorta spoil those special moments.

Some of the kids turn away when I get the camera out. I took this another day, and two of the girls wouldn't show their faces anymore. Shame. They're all pretty cute though.

These were on the back of a truck, nearly at the border, as I left Vietnam.

Not too far away from the border now

And over …. new country, new flag, same red white and blue colours, same head wind.

Typical village buildings. Where is everyone?

Oh, they’re down at the river

There’s goats, cows, buffalo, geese and chickens everywhere. I’ve almost come a cropper a few times on the road.

It’s amazing how as soon as I crossed the range I suddenly rode into a rainy season. It’s a completely different climate over this side, the side where the rainclouds break. Everything’s green, rivers are full, and it’s so much cooler.

I’ve been rained on too, but that’s a blessing, considering how intensely hot and dry it was in Vietnam for the past few weeks.

I made it to a little town called Xepon. This is the little market. Wolf and I spent a couple of nights here 30 years ago, and it honestly hasn’t changed anywhere near as much as I expected. The road’s better, there’s more buildings, and now there’s at least one place to eat in town. In those days it was just the market.

Photobombs. Unfortunately, there's so much UXO (unexploded ordnance) around here it's super dangerous to leave the roads and go into the bush. A tragic legacy of the civil war. One of many.

And, of course, off I went to eat. And eat I did. I was famished. New country, new beer.

To Phin

It’s beautiful to be in the green again. Dark clouds, rain, a breeze, and a chance to cool down, at least slightly.

This stretch of the road’s quiet. There’s still tribal villages around today, but not so many. There’s more non-traditional little villages, which I notice are different because the people aren’t wearing their coloured tribal gear or headwear, and the buildings aren’t so unique.

The screaming kids aren’t around so much either, maybe these ones go to school.

No point in advertising. Hardly anyone appears to have any money to buy anything around here anyway.

It’s even more beautiful on this side of the border, as there’s less development, it’s way more green, fresh, pure.

Phin is a really small town. There was nowhere to eat, except here. All I could find was khao niaw (sticky rice) and a sweet pineapple. They were quite good together actually.

These pots had meat of various unknown origins. The sticky rice was in the little basket. I thought about the vegies, but they looked so sad, so I went for the fruit instead.

Oh yeah, and I found these rice snacks. With sugar and chilli, which seems to be what every snack is flavoured with.

Home, Sweet Sweet Home

When you’re on the road for long periods of time, moving around becomes completely routine.

I don’t bat an eyelid when I need to pack to leave, I know where all my stuff needs to go, which pannier’s got what in it, and where it’s all gonna fit on my bike. It’s all very easy and familiar. Once everything’s packed up, it takes no more than a couple of minutes to load up my bike.

And then when I arrive at my new guest house, I make it comfortable and turn it into my own little home in no time, without even thinking.

I unpack. I put the things I’ll probably use in convenient spots, and make a note of where they are. I’ll get the things I probably won’t be using out of the way.

I probably would’ve already shopped for food/snacks etc before I got to my guest house. I’ve learnt that in places like this, if you see somewhere to eat or drink or to buy food, it’s worth doing it then and there, because who knows when or if there’ll be another place anywhere later on.

And then with all my things in it, and with some sort of table or bench space with some fruit and snacks, straight away my room becomes my new little home, and I settle in immediately. If there’s a balcony, or communal lounge, or some other shared space, that also becomes familiar straight away.

I know it’s home, because it feels really good when I get back there.

My hosts become my new little family.

We may or may not hang out, but we’re all looking out for each other.

I generally know what questions to ask when I arrive … can I get some boiled water (for drinking, or for tea, or even for 2-minute noodles - sad but true), is there wifi, where can I park up my bike at night, is there any veg food around, markets etc… it’s always the same questions, and so somehow changing guesthouses feels pretty seamless.

And the actual riding part feels so familiar now too, because I’ve been doing it for so long. The roads, scenery, landscapes and the people change, but it’s still me, sitting on my bike, wearing down my butt cheeks, riding through it all.

It may sound strange to you, but because of all of that, and without any particular effort on my part to make it happen, now it almost feels like wherever I go, my home is right there with me.

It’s a really nice feeling.

Muang Phalan

This is small town Laos. I haven’t seen any bigger places for awhile now, just tiny settlements and the occasional slightly larger (but still small) town. It’s nice.

There’s pretty much no commercialisation whatsoever, no advertising or billboards, very few roadside signs, just little stalls on the side of the road selling locally made produce, and small shops in the towns, selling very cheap generic stuff plus home made snacks and household items.

Thus is a small roadside market stall, I picked up some regurgitated eggs (you know, the ones that they suck the insides out of with a syringe, then flavour, mix, and reinsert  into the shell and then cook over coals), and I also got some buns that looked like they might have greens in them, but ended up being sweet (surprise surprise). But they weren’t too sweet.

These two stall holders were really sweet, although the girl still managed to pose the perfect “I’ve got attitude” face when I asked to take a pic.

Photos are funny things sometimes.

Yeah, instant coffee, instant chocolate, powdered milk - but don’t ask me what the yellow, purple and green powders are.

I never tire of wide open green spaces

Typical village scene

My bed had bedbugs. Bummer. First time on my whole trip. You can tell it’s bedbugs because you get these little raised bites in rows on your body. Luckily there weren’t too many, and they didn’t keep me awake for too long.

Also, it's lucky that I hadn't put my clothes etc on the bed before I noticed. They can get into your stuff, and then you need to boil everything up for awhile.

Rejigged eggs and sweet bun lunch

Miu and his younger brother waved me down from their motorbikes on the side of the road. They were so sweet. Miu is studying English at Uni in Savannakhet, we arranged to meet for drinks at Muang Phalan, and chatted about their lives.

It’s hard for them. They have no cash. They couldn’t even afford drinks … well, that’s the impression I got, as they didn’t order anything until I said I’d like to pay. They came to my guesthouse room (which was small and really dingy) and both said, with conviction, that it was a really nice room. Hmmm, wonder what their room is like in student res in Savannakhet. They told me there’s 4 guys in bunks in each room over there.

The brothers have been to their hometown village to visit, and to help their dad (their mum died a couple of years ago). There’s a lot of work to be done there.

Miu doin the hard yards in his village (WhatsApp profile pic)

I was shocked when these kids pulled up on this beast. My only explanation  was that possibly the quad must’ve been donated by an aid organisation (I’ve seen a few NGO 4WDs around). The kids were def having a ball on it - but the girl rider looks pretty young, don’t you think?

After this shot, they zipped off down the highway. Hmmmm.

My geese house carpark

Back o’Bourke

Xeno

I’m really glad nothing bad happened to me while I was in this town.

I might have developed Xenophobia.

It feels sorta like I’m back in “civilisation” now. Xeno’s only about 30km from the much larger town of Savannakhet, which itself lies right on the Thai border. So there’s shops here, with things to actually buy inside them, and places to eat.

Just out of Muang Phalan I saw the first wat I’ve seen in Laos so far, which is amazing, considering it’s my 4th day in the country. I’ve mainly been in non-Buddhist tribal areas and in the sticks.

Bulging, rushing rivers

And flooded fields

Standard stock photo

Beautiful old slatted wooden buildings

Rice merchant

It’s really grreart that there’s a hospital here. It’s the first I’ve seen in the country.

Sad that a minimart can bring me such joy.

That’s not technically true, as I was having trouble with the cooling system, so I was actually slowly cooking in there.

Vitamin/sugar replacement from Kelly

Lunch stop. Notice the homemade fan hanging above the chopping board

The food was bloody good here, I might add. Especially after what I’ve been living on lately.

Downtown

Lots of vendors use these coloured boxes

Would’ve been a gem in its prime

Another tiger arena

Town wat

Very pedestrian friendly

Savannakhet

And so I’ve finally made it to Savannakhet, a spread out and super sleepy town, right on the Mekong River. Back to the mighty river!

After 400km, and 8 days in a row of mainly hilly cycling from Huê in Vietnam, I’m now gonna rest for a few days.

I mean, a distance of 400km seems longer than it actually feels like in practice. There weren’t too many super tough days in there, the long climb up to Khe Sanh and the border was the hardest.

The thing is, doing 60 or 70kms fully loaded in hilly country feels completely normal these days.

And it’s been quite a relief to get into some cooler weather, since crossing the range. I mean, it’s still hot, but it’s no longer scorching hot - most days are cloudy for most of the time, and there’s rain sometimes. When that sun does come out though it’s still smokin.’

Temple offerings

They put a big one in the roundabout

Market stalls on the way into town. Fresh fruit again, and lots of options!

Mmmmmm.

Guest house lobby decorations

I found a nice room in here, for the grand total of less than $10 Oz a night, with its own bathroom.

Everything’s so cheap in this country, at least in this completely quiet and untouristed part of it. It’s one of the cheapest places I’ve visited on this whole trip so far.

My room in Muang Phalan cost a grand total of $5.50 Oz. What a bargain.

And the bed bugs were free!

Yeah, sometimes you get what you pay for.

As soon as I showered, settled, and put all my stuff away I discovered the fan didn’t work, so I had to swap rooms.

Then I headed straight to that mighty river.

The Mekong’s heaving with floodwaters at the moment. That’s Thailand across the other side.

Sleepy riverside eating places

The head of a particularly long naga. A naga is a snake deity very common in Buddhist and Hindu iconography. You see images and sculptures of them all over Thailand, Cambodia and Laos. And India, for that matter. Sculptures and paintings of them have been common throughout Asia for thousands of years, they’re often seen hovering above and protecting Buddha or Shiva.

The scale of it was amazing. It just went on and on.

And it had anaga companion

Beautiful wat

There’s some great architecture in town

And murals.

Before mobile phones.

There’s actually a dinosaur museum in town. I didn’t go there.

Yes!! It wasn’t particularly super though, actually.

I assume these are the residences of high end government officials, but I don’t know for sure.

Snack stash for emergencies. It’s sad isn’t it. So is the bloody plastic packaging.

Beautiful Christian church, with the A-listers hangin’ in the garden

Quite cool curved brickwork, I must say. I love the aqueduct vibe. This is the entrance to the new night market.

And the riverside part of it.

Yes!! I’ve been desperate to find a place like this.

Really? I guess it was a French colony once.

Night market at night

Gambling card game. I really couldn’t get the hang of it. They were playing with notes of pretty small denominations, like 10 or 15c worth. Only low rollers here. They asked me to join, but I was too dumb.

Sideshows. You have to throw darts and pop the balloons. These girls were experts. Rather than throw their darts really hard, which is what boys (like me) would probably do, their strategy was to lob them up high towards the balloons, and allow the weight of the dart to do its thing on the way down. It’s a much better idea, because the balloons are fat at the top. They broke a balloon on pretty much every shot, and each won a dodgy plastic prize.

The rest of the kids department

One day I explored the northern reaches of the town, after a big rainstorm

This is the Friendship Bridge to Mukdahan, the town on the Thai side of the river. I’m not ready to cross that border just yet. And it’s a rather non-Thai sounding town name, I might add. The locals call it Muk. That’s more like it.

Public transport

All working out

Thâat Ing Hang

One day I rode out about 15km to this ancient stupa (thâat).

Legend has it that Buddha had a rest (ing) upon a hang tree here on his wanderings. But actually it’s improbable that he ever got to Southeast Asia himself, he was northern Indian, and they didn’t have flights then.

Even bicycles were over two thousand years into the future.

Legend also has it that part of Buddha’s spine lies inside the thâat. No comment on that one.

In about 900AD a ku stupa was built here, during the era of the Sikkhotabong kingdom, which ruled much of this area.

When the Khmers took over in the 9th century they turned it into a Hindu temple.

Not to be outdone, it was again rebuilt into a Buddhist stupa in the 14th century, which is when most of what is there today was built.

Deserted road to the hallowed ground

That’s the thâat

The faces almost look like caricatures

Reminds me a bit of Incan sculptures

I love the patterns the locally made burnt incense makes

The grounds were small, but restful. It was super hot, and I chilled here, under a tree, trying to get enlightened.

It didn’t work. Instead of inspiration, all I got was perspiration.

Very old Buddha statues

And one or two more recent ones

There’s a wat on the grounds, which is quite beautiful

Buddha being noble

And trying to convince us that resistance is useful

The amazing ancient drum up there had a ripped skin, unfortunately

The kids were swimming way down the back, in the corner. It looked a bit mucky to me.

More spiked eggs for lunch

With local red rice, straight out of the steamer

She flavoured the rice with sugar (nit noi - just a little), sesame seeds and shredded fresh coconut. It was tasty, albeit a little dry.

Yeah, she got some. How could I resist eyes like that?

Cute little market on the way back

These were delicious - all sweet, but not too sweet. Most Lao vendors seem to have a handle on acceptable sugar limits. Maybe it’s an economic thing.

Sixty(n)

Oh yeah I forgot, I turned 60 the other day.

The big six oh!

It’s actually quite hard to believe, and I’m deeply struggling to accept it.

Nah, only joking.

I bloody love it!

What a blessing to make it this far. I could easily have been run over by a truck weeks ago, or electrocuted on stage during some beer swilling rendition of a Fatter Than Nusrat anthem in the distant past, or squished to death after falling through the rusty floor of Paul Mencel’s old Fiat when I was a teenager.

But no, here I am.

It’s actually a funny thing, ageing. I’ve been thinking about it lately, riding along these quiet backcountry roads.

My physical body is growing older, and, apparently, is passed its prime, which, medically, is regarded as between 30 and 40, in terms of motor abilities, strength, and lung capacity.

But luckily my body still feels great, I rarely feel pain (except after big karaoke nights and stupid drug-induced bike accidents), and it gets plenty of physical exercise on trips like these, to keep it ticking along nicely. Some of my friends tell me the shit really hits the fan at 70.

And yeah, the brain grows old too, which often manifests in cognitive decline of some sort for many people. But keeping active mentally keeps that totally in check for me too, at least for the moment. My mind is definitely active out here, with all the myriad of experiences and stimulation all around me, and with all that time to explore my thoughts, and my efforts to try and come up with new bad puns.

So that’s my body and my mind taken care of. All good so far.

But what about me? Who am I anyway?

(At this point you may wish to smoke a joint or have some mushroom tea, and then put on some cosmic psychedelic trance music and lie down).

The essence of who I am hasn’t really changed for my whole life.

I experience life in the same way that I always have, it doesn’t matter if I’m sixty or sixteen.

Think about yourself, or anyone you’ve known for a very long time. We are who we are, our underlying essence transcends our physicality, and it always remains.

Of course, that’s not to say that we can’t completely transform ourselves, that we can’t open up if we’re shut down, or, unfortunately, vice versa.

But that part of us that opens or shuts those doors is always there, pulling the strings.

That part of us looks out at the world, and sees us relating to people and experiencing the world around us, and it never seems to grow old.

Well, that’s my experience of it anyway.

Elder Advice

So I’m an elder now, and I expect to be treated as such.

My current tips on living a happy life:

1. Don’t ever feel guilty about doing exactly what it is you really want to do. Try to gently resist pressure to do otherwise. If we’re happy with our own life, everyone we know will benefit, and we may even inspire others to do the same.

2. Don’t take yourself, or life, too seriously. This allows you to fuck up, to hurt people by mistake, to fail at things, and to not get too anxious when others hurt you, or things don't turn out as you'd hoped. You are an amazing person. That is the absolute truth. I know that as a fact, because I’m 60. Please try to honour me, and always try to remember that very important truth about yourself. If you do, it will make me very very happy, and fulfil my life’s work. And it will make you very very happy too of course, which is the main thing.

3. Remember that things always change. Accept that there’s many things beyond our control. Difficult periods can be long and extremely painful, but they’re not forever, and it’s incredibly amazing when you finally make it to the other side. Things will never ever be the same again, that part of your life is finished, you're wiser now, you understand more about life, and you can let it go.

4. Try to spend time alone. Offline. Preferably in a beautiful, natural place. But anywhere really.

5. It really helps to get physical. It can teach us how to relax, so we can soften up. The softer and more relaxed we are, the more content we'll be.

Keeping The River On My Left

So I’m gonna turn right now, and head north, keeping that beautiful Mekong River within reach.

I’ve heard about some amazing caves around 4 days ride from here, 2 days along the river, and then 2 days east, and south, back into those wild forested hills.

I expect it’ll be a pretty rough ride, very steep in parts, which makes it all the more fun. Apparently.

It’s rainy season, there’s a lot of water about, and the caves are only accessible by boat. If the water level’s too high, it’s possible that I may not be able to get in.

But just being there will be perfect.❤️

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